Life Update 9/22/15 New Job, Second Semester, and What I've Learned so Far!

New Job, Second Semester, and What I've Learned so Far!

  In lack of a more creative introduction, I humbly state, It's been a while.  I haven't posted in quite a while, and it seems like I only do this as extreme therapy at this point.  I swear I only post when something traumatic is happening in my life.  Well, today is no exception.  I just got hired by a HUGE international company (sorry no names).  I've also been going to college for what is now 2 semesters.  I have a 4.0 and the bags under my eyes will kill me soon if the McDonalds fails.  Life is good.

  Yesterday I was interviewed to become a "Logistics Operator".  That's a fancy pretentious word for box mover and inventory organizer.  Fortunately I got the job!  Of course, the only reason I applied in the first place was because I basically lost my current job.  Boss man came a crying for me to come back in though, and money is money, so I crammed my pride in my anal cavity and came back to work.  I didn't even think my application was considered until I got the call last week from HR.  I'm excited to get started, but my nervousness is crawling across my whole being like spiders on a fresh fly.  This is a lot to take in.  I mean I didn't LOVE my old job, but it had it's high points.  The transition from administration to manual labor will be rough but I've done plenty of manual labor in the past so I feel fairly confident in my abilities to endure.  I'm more worried about the new social dynamics than anything, especially since me and authority don't mix too well.  Try connecting the invisible force fields  of two super magnets and you'll get a good physical representation.

  I know I went rambling on about philosophy as a potential major in my last post.  Well, after long contemplation, and samples of the community, I came to the conclusion that it wasn't as good a fit for me as I had first thought.  There really is no viable application for a philosophy degree out in the real world.  I still believe that philosophy is of crucial importance, only it does a very poor job at putting bread in the belly.  I decided to pursue psychology and become a clinical psychologist.  I absolutely love the idea of opening up my own practice, having the option to do psychological research, and potentially teaching the next generation when I'm old and grumpy.  I've always been fascinated with how people work, and I've always wanted to treat mental illnesses so this is a great goal for me personally.  Of course, I'll still be reading epic, abstract, and often word salad filled philosophy books every night though.

  That about sums it up.  I hope everyone enjoyed reading the update.  Have a great couple of months because chances are, with my track record, I won't be posting another article for a few months.  Peace.

    

Existentialism and Psychedelic Rock

  “Driving that train,high on cocaine” can be heard coming through the speakers of my iPhone as I attempt to write a meaningful piece.  I’ve had a hard time writing articles lately, partly because I’ve been off my meds, partly because all I want to do after work is relax.  I have a lot of things I’d like to mention in this post, so it may end up being a bit lengthy.  That’s a good thing though right?  I mean hopefully people look forward to reading more of my anxiety filled, neurotoxicity plagued writings.

  Lately I’ve been listening to a lot of psychedelic music, mostly because it makes me feel at peace with the absurd, existential life I live.  I’ve really enjoyed the acid rock of Steppenwolf, as well as the psychedelic vibes of Jefferson Airplane and Grateful Dead.  I’d have to agree that a friend of the devil is a friend of mine.  I feel like I’ve always lived that way.  Maybe it’s because “nice people” never seem to have anything worthwhile to say, well to me at least.  I’ve come to accept that people are selfish, and if they deny it, they’re lying.  People who can come to terms with their nature, and accept their negative side can live more fulfilling lives in my opinion.

  I’ve also listened to The Stranger by Albert Camus on audiobook several times these past few weeks.  I’ve come to love the philosophical writings of existentialists.  I love their ability to analyze reality, and deal with life in a rebellious manner.  I started reading Nietzsche, the gateway existentialist, months ago and have fell in love with the philosophy ever since.  I’m probably going to start reading Jean-Paul Sartre, Soren Kierkegaard, and other prominent existential thinkers soon.

  Ever since I was a kid I’ve always dreamed of being a singer.  I know every waiter ever has uttered the previous sentence at least once.  But, it has always been an aspiration of mine, weather I like it or not.  I’d like to sing in a rock band.  I want to blend psychedelic and alternative metal together.  It would sound like The Doors fused with Volbeat.  I know it’s just a fantasy, but still, a dreams a dream right?

Back From Chicago: Goodnight Everyone

  Well I’m finally home from Chicago!  I got to tell you though, it feels fucking great!  It was over a week ago (insert pop culture reference) when my girlfriend and I first pulled out of the driveway.  This week felt like an eternity!  I’m so glad it’s over.  No bitter sweet goodbyes here; only good riddance. 

  It’s funny that I drove to Chicago and back, considering I only got my license 3 months ago.  I was almost 19.  I planned on getting my license when I was 16, but I never got the chance.  I was either too busy, lazy, nervous, or a wicked combination of all 3.  To be honest though, I’m sort of glad that I waited to mature a bit, before getting behind the wheel.

  In other news, I start work again on Wednesday.  I hope I’m still employed.  It’s a weird feeling when you go from getting paid every week, to missing a week.  It’s like your wallet is shrinking, but for some reason it’s failing to get any bigger.  Sorry this post isn’t any longer, but I’ve been on the road for the past 6 hours.  Goodnight everyone!

The Parable of The Gold

  There was once a man who was promised a large sum of gold.  All the man had to do was stand under an oak tree, and stare at a mountain.

  He stood under a great oak, and cast his glance upon a snow covered mountain in the distance.  Night came, and the man, not in possession of any gold, grew tired and decided to go home and rest for the night.

 

  He came back to the same oak early in the morning.  He stood under the oak all that day as well, staring at the mountain on the horizon.  Night came once again, and the man, feeling cheated, left the oak and headed to a local tavern for a drink.

 

  While sitting at the bar with his drink, he heard a loud scream!  He turned to see a rugged old man, with holes in his clothes, holding a large sack.  The old man started going on about how he was walking through the forest just minutes earlier.  When he had stopped under a large oak tree to take a break, he happened to glance to the north where he seen a twinkle, caused by the moonlight reflecting off of something on a nearby mountainside.  The old man went to investigate the twinkle, and upon reaching the location the twinkle had occurred, the man happened to spot a large pile of gold.  He put it all in his sack and hurried back to town to buy a drink.

  There was then the sound of glass breaking, and the man at the bar grumbled under his breathe, shot the lucky old man an enraged gaze, and stormed out the tavern.

Crossroads: College and Career

  I’m finding myself at a crossroads in my life.  About 6 months ago, I was certain that I wanted to become a Psychologist.  It seemed like the right career for someone like me, since I rely on my emotions and mathematics feel like an insufferable plague to me.  I enjoy helping people with their problems, and I think I would make an effective mediator or counselor. 

  Well here’s where that easy road stopped.  I purchased The Apology and The Republic by Plato on audiobook one late night last June.  I was amazed by Socrates ability to argue and think critically (obviously there’s no way to separate truth from fiction, being that these texts were written around 400-300 BCE. Nevertheless, they are still great literary works) even when faced with death.  The life of Socrates was inspiring to me as a person, and I feel that it touched on something in my core, something unexplained, yet very real.

  After listening to the texts over and over, checking out various other philosophers (Nietzsche being a personal favorite.), and meditating hard on all of these ideas that they inspired, I had come to the conclusion that I would switch my major to Philosophy.  It seemed like a great idea at the time (how many horror stories start with that very line I wonder?).  However, I am now approaching a cataclysm of doubts.  I wonder if maybe I used too much haste when I made the decision to major in Philosophy.

  It would no doubt be a very interesting path.  But, this path would ultimately lead to nowhere.  Philosophy is more applicable as a hobby, or skill, than as a foundation to a successful, and fiscal, career.  The ironically true joke is “What’s the difference between a philosopher and a bench?” sadly “A bench can support a family.”  For some reason I just don’t feel the need to spend 4 years of my life studying, so that I can better argue with the other philosophy majors in line at the soup kitchen. 

  I’ve come to the conclusion that philosophy, while attractive, is not a very viable major (for me at least.)  I will most likely choose to go back to Psychology; however, I want to look into other potential majors as well.  Whatever I do, I hope it is enjoyable, profitable, and fulfilling.

Society's Twisted Idea of Manhood, My Story

  I find it tragic how society ruthlessly defines what a “man” is.  To a lot of people, a “man” is someone who shows no regard for others comfort, has sex with lots of women, and makes more money than most other men.  I find this definition of masculinity to not only be wrong, but also highly disturbing.  Yet, it is the image of this form of “manhood” that many young people try to imitate.  It causes them to feel insecure, depressed, hopeless, and inferior.  This is not the image that we need the youth to see.

  It was only 3 years ago.  I was a rebellious, insecure, confused youth.  My life was plagued by a lack of testosterone, and an extreme excess of dextromethorphan.  I surrounded myself with narcissists, pot heads, and low-lives of every imaginable kind.  My most prized possession was a cheap vaporizer that I had picked up at the mall for $60 around Christmas.  Everyday my friends and I spent our time chasing women, acting like buffoons, getting kicked out of malls, and getting as high as we possibly could.  I only truly cared about the getting high part.  I was up to 2 bottles of cough syrup a day, or 2 packs of cough medicine tablets (we called them triple C’s because of the brand name).   Hell, I didn’t even smoke weed anymore.  The way I saw it; that money could be better spent on cough syrup.  I could disassociate myself for a lot cheaper.  Most the time, I just stole the stuff anyways.

  At that point in my life, I was haunted by society’s vision of an “alpha-male”.  I wanted to get fucked up.  I wanted to fuck.  I wanted to not give a fuck.  That’s what all the rappers talked about.  My “friends” had told me stories of their many bedroom conquests.  I was swimming in jealousy every time I seen someone with something, or someone, I desired.  I suffered from Social Anxiety Disorder, but my dad couldn’t afford the insurance for me to seek treatment.  I was always in a state of pure hell.  It got so bad at one point that I even attempted to kill myself.  I failed miserably.

  I eventually got the treatment I needed.  I was able to learn firsthand, what it meant to be a REAL man.  That’s beside the point though.  The point is, that all of the negative thoughts that caused me tremendous amount of insecurity and pain, stemmed from society’s idea of what a man is supposed to be like.  I was a messed up, stupid, narrow minded, and ignorant asshole.  Fortunately I was able to see the error of my ways, and make a change for the better.  A lot of people aren’t so lucky.  They remain pathetic ass-heads until they finally roll over and die.

The Chicago Accident, Part 3: Conclusion, Fear and Loathing in Chicago

   After taking my Zoloft, a rare session of positive reinforcement, and reading a few good articles on drnerdlove.com (no, it’s not a pitch.  The articles were genuinely helpful to reinforce my beliefs.), I am feeling good about myself again.  Sometimes, I feel that things can trigger us to be thrown out of balance.  I feel that it’s important to remind ourselves that we’re not worthless pieces of feces occasionally.  The whole accident thing really knocked me into a state of self-loathing, fearful thinking, and negative self-talk.  I’m glad to finally be back on my feet again.

  I’m laughing my head off right now!  The book that I brought for this trip was Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas by Hunter S. Thompson.  I doubt there could be a more fitting title to pin on this trip!  This has certainly been a trip for “Fear and Loathing”!