Society's Twisted Idea of Manhood, My Story

  I find it tragic how society ruthlessly defines what a “man” is.  To a lot of people, a “man” is someone who shows no regard for others comfort, has sex with lots of women, and makes more money than most other men.  I find this definition of masculinity to not only be wrong, but also highly disturbing.  Yet, it is the image of this form of “manhood” that many young people try to imitate.  It causes them to feel insecure, depressed, hopeless, and inferior.  This is not the image that we need the youth to see.

  It was only 3 years ago.  I was a rebellious, insecure, confused youth.  My life was plagued by a lack of testosterone, and an extreme excess of dextromethorphan.  I surrounded myself with narcissists, pot heads, and low-lives of every imaginable kind.  My most prized possession was a cheap vaporizer that I had picked up at the mall for $60 around Christmas.  Everyday my friends and I spent our time chasing women, acting like buffoons, getting kicked out of malls, and getting as high as we possibly could.  I only truly cared about the getting high part.  I was up to 2 bottles of cough syrup a day, or 2 packs of cough medicine tablets (we called them triple C’s because of the brand name).   Hell, I didn’t even smoke weed anymore.  The way I saw it; that money could be better spent on cough syrup.  I could disassociate myself for a lot cheaper.  Most the time, I just stole the stuff anyways.

  At that point in my life, I was haunted by society’s vision of an “alpha-male”.  I wanted to get fucked up.  I wanted to fuck.  I wanted to not give a fuck.  That’s what all the rappers talked about.  My “friends” had told me stories of their many bedroom conquests.  I was swimming in jealousy every time I seen someone with something, or someone, I desired.  I suffered from Social Anxiety Disorder, but my dad couldn’t afford the insurance for me to seek treatment.  I was always in a state of pure hell.  It got so bad at one point that I even attempted to kill myself.  I failed miserably.

  I eventually got the treatment I needed.  I was able to learn firsthand, what it meant to be a REAL man.  That’s beside the point though.  The point is, that all of the negative thoughts that caused me tremendous amount of insecurity and pain, stemmed from society’s idea of what a man is supposed to be like.  I was a messed up, stupid, narrow minded, and ignorant asshole.  Fortunately I was able to see the error of my ways, and make a change for the better.  A lot of people aren’t so lucky.  They remain pathetic ass-heads until they finally roll over and die.